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The Moment We Knew
Looking through the past 6 1/2 years, I can easily divide life into two parts. When we were oblivious, and when we knew. Life started out very typical for F. Some families say that their child showed signs of having autism from the start. That wasn’t the case for us. In retrospect, there are things…
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Milestones
When F was born, the oldest of our three children, I had a purely book smart knowledge of how children grow and develop. I knew what months an infant would typically babble, crawl, walk, and more. I understood why a two year old tantrums and the importance of a preschooler asking “why” all the time.…
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Grief
Grief. Not in the way of losing a person, but in losing sight of what you thought would happen. When we were first faced with his diagnosis I was completely numb to it. Reading through checklists in attempt to rule each box out. There was no way that could be my child. I took my…
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System Failure
I will never say, think, let anyone believe, that my child, any child, is broken. His brain chemistry is complicated, yes. Broken, heck no. Does he misbehave? All the time. Lose control of his feelings? Daily. Well, hourly to be more precise. I’m the first one to realize this. That being said, there are some…
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Instinct
I learned about F’s existence on my twentieth birthday. I was newly married, still in college, and completely unprepared. Nick and I have been blessed to have a strong connection from the start and I’ve never once regretted marrying young. In fact, there is a lot I think about in retrospect that led me to…
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On & Off
Lights on, lights off. Search out any and every button or switch. Repeat twenty times. F has always had a fascination with light. As soon as his tiny body could stand, he was reaching for light switches. While most toddlers were stacking blocks and chasing friends around, F was hiding in a dark room with…
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5 Ways to Change a Bad Sensory Day
Every parent understands the mysteriously frustrating “bad day” that pops up from time to time. With F and his sensory processing struggles, sometimes we get thrown for a major loop when he wakes up sensitive to EVERYTHING. Yogurt touches his hand, meltdown. His brother bothers him, meltdown. It takes a few extra seconds to get…
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Weight
Tonight as you lay tucked in with your Hedgie and your heavy blankie, close by your brother, I feel the weight. I feel it often. I feel it when I think back to your perfect face that I caressed almost six years ago in the hospital. So bright eyed, so much unknown. When those years…
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Mister Foster
F’s hair was wild. It was growing out of control. I’d gotten in the habit of dreading haircut time. Over the years F had gotten a handful of haircuts that ended in screaming and tears. It was awful and I would let his scraggly hair grow out longer than I should before braving the experience…
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Standing Up
I am convinced that God gives us our children for so many reasons. He gives them to us to love, care for, raise up, and advocate for them. Every child deserves this from their parents. I am also convinced that our children are given to us to strengthen who we are as people. The single…