Standing Up

I am convinced that God gives us our children for so many reasons. He gives them to us to love, care for, raise up, and advocate for them. Every child deserves this from their parents.

I am also convinced that our children are given to us to strengthen who we are as people.

The single most challenging aspect of my adult life has been learning how to navigate this world of autism. It has torn me down, made me question everything that I thought I knew about raising children, and built me up stronger than I thought I could be.

Twice now, I have been a freshly post partum mama being told everything wrong with my oldest child. The word autism was first brought up within weeks of my having our second child, when F was 2 1/2. More recently, F’s kindergarten year started the week before I had our third baby. I was answering difficult emails about behaviors while still in the hospital with my newborn.

I am a non confrontational person. I want everyone to get along. I believe the very best in people and am shocked when I’m proved wrong. My skin has always been delicate and thin and I live with a constant goal to toughen it up.

A song lyric has played on repeat in my mind through these latest experiences,

“Seems like all I’m worth is what I’m able to withstand, sooner I can realize that pain is just the middle man.”

Choker, Twenty One Pilots

This is what god intended for me.

He intended for me to break down and change to become a stronger person. He intended for me to be pushed from my comfort zone.

During the past five years, growth has manifested within the hustle of therapies, meetings, meltdowns, and late late nights googling how to help F. Humility has sprouted from moments of “I don’t know” and “I need to do better”. Strength has come from the weakness, the quiet contemplation that goes on behind the scenes.

This post is for the mama who is feeling lost, unheard, inadequate, buried in stress. This is your sign to STAND UP. Pull yourself out of the background. Make your voice heard. Be the voice for your child. Fall into the plan that God intended for YOU. You’ve got this.

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